Monday, April 7, 2014
F is for Faith
A loose interpretation of Matthew 17:20 suggests that if we have the smallest of faith (as small as a mustard seed), we can move mountains "Nothing will be impossible for you." By definition faith is a complete confidence or trust in something or someone. Like the video below demonstrates, as Christians we put our faith in Jesus, the son of God.
There have been plenty of times within my life that I have slipped, or thought I was slipping away from my faith. Not so. When I was mad at God after my son was born with special needs, he calmed my spirit and told me it's o.k.' it's o.k. to be mad at God. I transformed and he gave me the knowledge that He had been preparing me for my son, Kaleb. I had worked in the special education field for years before we were blessed with Kaleb; God was preparing me.
Since I was young I have battled suicidal thoughts. When I was 14 I attempted to take my life by swallowing some pills. To look back now, I was struggling with my life and the hardships that I was going through. If I could tell that girl something, I would tell her life is going to get much tougher and she would be amazed at the strength that she is capable of. What has always pulled me away from the vale of darkness, has been my faith in knowing God has better plans for my life. Also, in battling with these thoughts for so long now, I have realized that life is a gift from Him and I don't want to be disrespectful. I want to go to heaven, especially now more than ever, so that I can be reunited with Kaleb and my loved ones. When I think of ending it all, it has always been because I have lost sight of hope and feel consumed by hopelessness. It is faith that brightens the darkness; faith that I will get to heaven and have the ultimate experience to see Kaleb running around, laughing, and ultimately running up to me to give me a huge hug and telling me "I love you Mommy."