Monday, December 29, 2014

CHALLENGE ACCEPTED #5

DECEMBER



The Holiday's can get complicated when you are single. People ask you where your ex is and you have to kindly inform them of the break-up, or some people have to endure the third-degree tactics of people grilling them about why they're single. I think at this stage in my life people don't ask or suggest anything to me, not that they ever really use to when I was younger either - I don't really know why that is. However, this Christmas was especially difficult because I was truly alone for the Holiday's. Christmas day I hibernated, I scrolled through endless Facebook feeds of happy families, and endured some Holiday movies. I did make the effort to meet-up with friends and go to family functions and I think it helped me keep what little sanity I have left. Something else that kept swimming around in the vast knowledge-pit of my mind was what a good friend once told me; It's okay to be depressed and to be sad, just don't live there. I'm really trying to make the conscious choice to challenge myself and condition my delusional thought patterns (Cognitive Behavioral Training, CBT) to make better choices, to snap myself out of thoughts that are dangerous to my psyche.


"I want you to be free from anxieties... the unmarried or betrothed woman is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to be holy in body and spirit. But the married woman is anxious about worldly things, how to please her husband. I say this for your own benefit, not to lay any restraint upon you, but to promote good order and to secure our undivided devotion to the Lord." 1 Corinthians 7:32-35 ESV

What does this tell me? It speaks that I should not be anxious about being single and I should not put any restraints on myself about what has happened in the past, or to worry about the future. I was reading a devotional from Joyce Meyers recently and it really spoke to me. "How many of you know that God test you from time to time? Pass your test now. If you don't, you'll get to take it again." This made me think, when I use to think that bad stuff kept happening to me as a punishment, NO - I haven't passed His test yet. I know my shortcomings, I know I can be a pushover and I know I have a hard time telling people no or whatever. Because I haven't learnt my lessons, I keep getting into the same relationships and they fail because I haven't passed the test. However, He also tells us not to dwell (because that will lead to those anxieties and restraints of the world) but to learn from our lessons and to move forward and "shake it off" Joyce Meyers Daily Devotion - It's time to shake it off! I need to switch my focus from obsessing over finding that man to grow old with, to enriching my soul with the word of God. 

"Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." Isaiah 41:10

I was watching some program the other day I'm not sure if it was Joyce Meyers or Joel Osteen - have you ever listened to a message and you know the Spirit is telling you something completely different? I can't recall the Ministries exact message, but I know the message I received. It was that God has known me before I even knew myself. He has known all the hardships and struggles that I have face and that I will continue to face. Yet, He has entrusted me with this life. He is precious to me that He believes in me and that should be sufficient, more than sufficient, it should be all that I need! His love is all the love that I should need, I shouldn't need the love of another to feel complete. His love will sustain, His love is enough, and His love will see me through. I will grow old in His eyes and receive the deserving love of my lifetime through Him.

"And I will betroth you to me forever. I will betroth you to me in righteousness and in justice, in steadfast love and in mercy. I will betroth you to me in faithfulness. And you shall know the Lord." Hosea 2:19-20

Affirmation Station:




Join my Pinterest - AFFIRMATIONS board

CHALLENGE ACCEPTED #4

NOVEMBER

Leading into November I buckled down and along with other generous souls, we started the tedious editing process. This kept me too busy to worry about that prickling need to have someone in my life. I stopped focusing on other stressors; I have this ability to put on horse-blinders sometimes, which really helps me to stay focused on tasks. It was really exciting for me this time around too that I booked and scheduled a cover reveal and a book tour. I knew I needed to focus on positives and not let my mind wander to negatives. I feel that my brain does this on its own and I really have to work hard in focusing on those positive things in my life, or else I get totally sucked up in to that depressive state of what I've lost instead of what I've survived, achieved, and continue to work hard to pursue. 



November is all about Thanksgiving, even though I don't have my own family, I found thanks in what I am blessed with. I have a roof over my head, food in my belly, loving and supportive parents, a super-sister and two wonderful nieces, along with a career that I have been working on and building from scratch, I am also very blessed that my immediate family is so supportive but, that I also have other family members that are so supportive. Now that I have released my second book, the book tour is in early December and then I'm going to dive right back into the third book, so that will keep my mind busy. Also, I've decided that I have really botched this dating thing up, so I read something a while back and decided to just give it to God, and I questioned myself as to why I was obsessing over finding that right person. Instead, I decided that it is in His hands. Now, I tell people that I am not ready for a relationship, because I'm not. I feel God is still molding me and that when I'm ready He'll send me who He intends for me to spend the rest of my life with. I've accepted this and expect it; it's why I now say that for me to even consider a relationship he will have to be perfect. Which for me in my brain right now doesn't exist, so if a guy is perfect it only makes sense that he was sent from God. I would like to say that's when I will open my heart but I know myself well enough to know that my heart is always open - I would be fighting with myself and wasting too much energy and time to try to change my core characteristics of opening my heart and loving, that's just who I am! I'm just learning to respect myself more and that I don't need a man, that when he comes into my life it will be to share life together. I put it this way to my brain: I've gambled so much on love and have lost, I'm not gambling anymore - if I don't like something, I'm out! *wink* 








Links

This link helped me to remember why dating sucks!
23 Excruciating Tinder Exchanges


Friday, December 19, 2014

DEJA VU BLOGFEST

http://www.dlhammons.com/2014/10/the-deja-vu-blogfest-2014.html
The Day of the Do Over Link

While the majority of people enjoy the holiday's with their loved ones, parents watching the enjoyment of their children on the anticipated morning, some have a more bleak day ahead of them. Me, I'll be sleeping in, hiding under my covers and wishing the day away. I've seen post after post of friends enjoying decorating for their holiday season, while I haven't decorated at all. I know it's a choice, I could push myself and dig through boxes to find my Christmas decorations. The only obstacle is dealing with items that I can't bring myself to deal with yet. It's been over a year, I thought I would be able to figure out what to do by now; where to put things and how to handle my emotions. The truth is, I'm not. Everyone handles grief differently and there isn't a day that goes by when the thought of my son doesn't take my breath away and the sadness expands with a deep burning sensation within my chest. However, I know I'm not alone. The Holiday's can be difficult for a lot of people. Each day there is a new obstacle, a new challenge, and more emotions I have to try to deal with. Some days are better than other too. The Holiday's seem to increase the hardships to a maximum level. So, in an attempt to try to work through these times, I took to the internet to try to research how to make it through the season and keep what little sanity I have left.

Top Tips to Surviving the Holidays

Honor Them - for those that left us too soon, find a way that you can honor them. Many people believe that those that have passed know how we honor them here in the present and they enjoy it. We decorate my sons grave site; we just went today! My sister made my son an adorable Christmas tree, while my parents bought him items too, and we went together to honor him and make him a part of our life. While other parents are buying their children toys and other goodies, I bought my son items for his grave site. I'm starting to understand though, it's still an action; whether buying him a gift he could have enjoyed in his physical form, or enjoy in his spiritual state, either way I made the effort, and it did feel good to be doing something for him. While last year my sister honored my son, her nephew's passing by having a star named after him, and for Christmas she gave remembrance items, as well as did my parents and sister have presents from my son; which was hard but, I cherish them for their thoughts and efforts.

Daily Reminders - through sites such as Grief Share, you can sign up for daily e-mails to help you through the tougher times. Another great suggestion through Grief Share (Reasons) is to focus on the reason for the season (in my case, I celebrate Christmas, so it's all about Christ). So, this season I am going to focus on the reason for the season. Where the article is about how Jesus "came to end all suffering" although, as a person suffering, this isn't that comforting; it's actually more upsetting to think there is still so much suffering left int he world. However, "The thief comes only to steal, and kill, and destroy; I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly" John 10:10. What this says to me is that we need to find our happy; find something each day to laugh and to be thankful for - God wants us to be happy.

Get Help - something I have a hard time with is asking for help. Through AARP (American Association of Retired Persons), they suggest leaning on your friends and family. Talk with them about what you are going through and have someone, a "buddy" to go with you places that can help you through. However, it has been my experience that after your loved one passes (and maybe it's just because it was my son, and a child's death is difficult for anyone to talk about) but, people just don't seem to talk about it. Maybe partially because they don't want to upset me or maybe because they don't want to be upset themselves. Then again, many people (myself included) aren't well equipped to comfort those that are suffering inside. But, I can't tell you how elated I feel inside when someone does say my son's name or talks about them. So, don't be afraid to talk about the deceased. What doesn't help, when I'm feeling low, is the comment "he wouldn't have wanted you to be sad" or something along those lines. He's not here. Instead, try bringing up happy holiday memories that involve the deceased, or suggest how you could honor their memories instead. Believe me, the person grieving is going through a hard enough time, they don't need to be scolded.

Self-Love - forgive yourself and give yourself the time and energies to deal with your feelings. Another thing I have to work on. First, I never knew learning to love myself was going to be so difficult. Second, that I have a hard time dealing with my feelings. I let them well-up until I just burst and can't hold it in anymore. I shared a post I read the other day that stated "I'm exhausted from being stronger than I am" (or something like that). On the Hand to Hold site they suggest to "Be Generous with Others [and] Yourself". Share your talents and share with others because it makes us feel good (basically). "Expect that you will feel sad sometimes. Or angry. Or alone. These are all appropriate feelings and are an acknowledgement of the intense love you hold for your child" or your loved one that has passed.

Thorn Pathways

When looking up the scriptures in the Godvine fictional story titled Thanksgiving Thorns, I came across Suffering is a great grace... quote from St. Faustina. Remember the pain that you feel is a direct result of how deeply your love for the deceased. In Thanksgiving Thorns, it is about a flower shop associate and her faith in God and how we should be thankful for the thorns in our life. I didn't particularly care for the story, however I can appreciate the message. Even though we are deeply suffering, we shouldn't forget that He is still here for us. It seems like He's not, which I have felt but, suffering means so much more than what we are experiencing. God understand how mad we are at Him, yet He still remains. When I read scripture about how He knows all our days before we are even born and has given us what we need for this life, sometimes I feel harsh against this, as if I'm being punished. However, as my mother explained to me years ago that it's not a punishment at all. That He thinks so highly of us that He has given us the hardest of situations (Thanks!); it's about perspective. It seems absurd to say that any death is for our benefit but, as St. Faustina suggests through our suffering are still gifts we need to be thankful for.

So, now what? Well, find some funny videos on YouTube, laughing helps our brains in more beneficial ways. I read once how it's okay to visit being depressed and sad, just don't live there. Help yourself claw out of the darkness with the light of laughter. The next step is up to you! I know this year I haven't decorated at all because it's so upsetting, it would mean having to go through my sons items that I have in the same area that I haven't wanted to deal with yet. I've been contemplating on recruiting someone to help me with this, I know this would help me but, everyone's so busy. I need to just get-to-it, if it gets too hard then I can grab the box of tissues and work through those feelings too. I know it's much easier said than done though, so I'll continue to just take one day at a time.

How do you honor your deceased loved ones during the Holidays?
Comment with your tips and suggestions!


Links

Sunday, December 7, 2014

Grief and the Holidays

While the majority of people enjoy the holiday's with their loved ones, parents watching the enjoyment of their children on the anticipated morning, some have a more bleak day ahead of them. Me, I'll be sleeping in, hiding under my covers and wishing the day away. I've seen post after post of friends enjoying decorating for their holiday season, while I haven't decorated at all. I know it's a choice, I could push myself and dig through boxes to find my Christmas decorations. The only obstacle is dealing with items that I can't bring myself to deal with yet. It's been over a year, I thought I would be able to figure out what to do by now; where to put things and how to handle my emotions. The truth is, I'm not. Everyone handles grief differently and there isn't a day that goes by when the thought of my son doesn't take my breath away and the sadness expands with a deep burning sensation within my chest. However, I know I'm not alone. The Holiday's can be difficult for a lot of people. Each day there is a new obstacle, a new challenge, and more emotions I have to try to deal with. Some days are better than other too. The Holiday's seem to increase the hardships to a maximum level. So, in an attempt to try to work through these times, I took to the internet to try to research how to make it through the season and keep what little sanity I have left.

Top Tips to Surviving the Holidays

Honor Them - for those that left us too soon, find a way that you can honor them. Many people believe that those that have passed know how we honor them here in the present and they enjoy it. We decorate my sons grave site; we just went today! My sister made my son an adorable Christmas tree, while my parents bought him items too, and we went together to honor him and make him a part of our life. While other parents are buying their children toys and other goodies, I bought my son items for his grave site. I'm starting to understand though, it's still an action; whether buying him a gift he could have enjoyed in his physical form, or enjoy in his spiritual state, either way I made the effort, and it did feel good to be doing something for him. While last year my sister honored my son, her nephew's passing by having a star named after him, and for Christmas she gave remembrance items, as well as did my parents and sister have presents from my son; which was hard but, I cherish them for their thoughts and efforts.

Daily Reminders - through sites such as Grief Share, you can sign up for daily e-mails to help you through the tougher times. Another great suggestion through Grief Share (Reasons) is to focus on the reason for the season (in my case, I celebrate Christmas, so it's all about Christ). So, this season I am going to focus on the reason for the season. Where the article is about how Jesus "came to end all suffering" although, as a person suffering, this isn't that comforting; it's actually more upsetting to think there is still so much suffering left int he world. However, "The thief comes only to steal, and kill, and destroy; I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly" John 10:10. What this says to me is that we need to find our happy; find something each day to laugh and to be thankful for - God wants us to be happy.

Get Help - something I have a hard time with is asking for help. Through AARP (American Association of Retired Persons), they suggest leaning on your friends and family. Talk with them about what you are going through and have someone, a "buddy" to go with you places that can help you through. However, it has been my experience that after your loved one passes (and maybe it's just because it was my son, and a child's death is difficult for anyone to talk about) but, people just don't seem to talk about it. Maybe partially because they don't want to upset me or maybe because they don't want to be upset themselves. Then again, many people (myself included) aren't well equipped to comfort those that are suffering inside. But, I can't tell you how elated I feel inside when someone does say my son's name or talks about them. So, don't be afraid to talk about the deceased. What doesn't help, when I'm feeling low, is the comment "he wouldn't have wanted you to be sad" or something along those lines. He's not here. Instead, try bringing up happy holiday memories that involve the deceased, or suggest how you could honor their memories instead. Believe me, the person grieving is going through a hard enough time, they don't need to be scolded.

Self-Love - forgive yourself and give yourself the time and energies to deal with your feelings. Another thing I have to work on. First, I never knew learning to love myself was going to be so difficult. Second, that I have a hard time dealing with my feelings. I let them well-up until I just burst and can't hold it in anymore. I shared a post I read the other day that stated "I'm exhausted from being stronger than I am" (or something like that). On the Hand to Hold site they suggest to "Be Generous with Others [and] Yourself". Share your talents and share with others because it makes us feel good (basically). "Expect that you will feel sad sometimes. Or angry. Or alone. These are all appropriate feelings and are an acknowledgement of the intense love you hold for your child" or your loved one that has passed.

Thorn Pathways

When looking up the scriptures in the Godvine fictional story titled Thanksgiving Thorns, I came across Suffering is a great grace... quote from St. Faustina. Remember the pain that you feel is a direct result of how deeply your love for the deceased. In Thanksgiving Thorns, it is about a flower shop associate and her faith in God and how we should be thankful for the thorns in our life. I didn't particularly care for the story, however I can appreciate the message. Even though we are deeply suffering, we shouldn't forget that He is still here for us. It seems like He's not, which I have felt but, suffering means so much more than what we are experiencing. God understand how mad we are at Him, yet He still remains. When I read scripture about how He knows all our days before we are even born and has given us what we need for this life, sometimes I feel harsh against this, as if I'm being punished. However, as my mother explained to me years ago that it's not a punishment at all. That He thinks so highly of us that He has given us the hardest of situations (Thanks!); it's about perspective. It seems absurd to say that any death is for our benefit but, as St. Faustina suggests through our suffering are still gifts we need to be thankful for.

So, now what? Well, find some funny videos on YouTube, laughing helps our brains in more beneficial ways. I read once how it's okay to visit being depressed and sad, just don't live there. Help yourself claw out of the darkness with the light of laughter. The next step is up to you! I know this year I haven't decorated at all because it's so upsetting, it would mean having to go through my sons items that I have in the same area that I haven't wanted to deal with yet. I've been contemplating on recruiting someone to help me with this, I know this would help me but, everyone's so busy. I need to just get-to-it, if it gets too hard then I can grab the box of tissues and work through those feelings too. I know it's much easier said than done though, so I'll continue to just take one day at a time.

How do you honor your deceased loved ones during the Holidays?
Comment with your tips and suggestions!

Links

Wednesday, December 3, 2014

How Pain Affects the Body

Head to Toe - This Pain Has To Go!

If you are like me and deal with daily chronic pain, then you know the affects on your body. But, in reality you might not because our brain processes things differently. All we know sometimes, is that we feel or are experiencing some form of discomfort or pain. Especially when it's all-the-time, it's torture! Then, our brains have to combat ways to evolve in a sense. Our brains either let the pain rule and then we're unable to be productive (which, do we really have control over?) or we try to occupy ourselves in a way to ignore the pain (I do this all the time). The only problem I've found with this technique is that for the break-through pain (severe) when it hits, it really hits and I'm unable to do much of anything. My brain is on over-load trying to deal with the pain. I've also read that if pain is not dealt with over time, it will affect your heart.

Literally, pain affects our bodies from our head to our toes. From how our body reacts and communicates pain to the results afterward. The results can be in the form of tension pains (such as neck pain, headaches, and so forth) because the constant pain sensors trigger tension. As such, this same concept will also trigger depression. As a person who deals with depression, I can tell you first-hand that it is a vicious cycle. If I'm depressed, the more I am upset or stressed, the more the receptors are communicating and the more I experience pain. Part of the vicious cycle we face is also the ability to take care of ourselves (how we need to); this includes exercise and socializing. When a person is depressed and dealing with daily chronic pain, they have a hard enough time moving, let alone considering exercise or being around people that don't understand your struggles. Just remember, you can't judge someone if you haven't experience what they have. We're all different and experience things differently. 12 Nice Things You Can Do for Someone in Pain12 Things You Should Never Say to Someone with a Chronic Health Condition The Spoon Theory






Links