Wednesday, August 7, 2013

Weird Dream

During an unintentional slip into a coma (nap time, my body shuts down) today, I had the weirdest dream. I was secure on a ride, not a roller coaster, but still had the chest bars holding me in. It wasn't doing any loops, but it would rise up and down, pressing the weight of the other people in the same cart upon me, and at times I felt like I was being choked. The ride continued, and it made a couple quick turns, a couple lifts when the weight was pressing down on me. I don't remember anything else about the ride in particular, just wishing it would be over. Then, when I got off, the people I was with went in different directions. I lost my boyfriend +Justin Barnhill in the process and started walking around looking for something I wasn't sure about. I could hear someone say "where are they?" I just kept walking forward, then I noticed that I was completely barefoot on the cold surface that I was walking on. When I entered into a huge gallery, it had interesting aquatic pieces and different things. When I looked to my left I saw my boyfriends parents and they waved me over. So I went over to them, I checked out some pretty interesting things on the way, they seemed like they were magnified. I know we conversed, but I can't recall what was said.  The next thing I knew we were in a different house and I felt like we were getting ready for a party or something. A friend of the family came in, that I wasn't expecting, and then she said "hold on, I have something for you". When she walked back in she slammed down a box that was full of my book that I self-published and she said "here ya' go!" I was excited, we hugged and I thanked her. I was trying to talk to someone, but then I woke up.

Dissecting The Dream

By definition a dream is a series of thoughts, images, and sensations occurring in a person's mind during sleep.  All of the key points in the dream are represented by different aspects within my life, things that are happening right now, or have happened. Right now, I'm trying to deal with a lot of stress, and this was probably my minds way of sorting through some of the haze in there. The ride is representative of the highs and lows in life. I had just written for the Insecure Writing Support Group how my experience in self-publishing has been like riding a roller coaster; so I'm sure that had something to do with it. I had just been on vacation to Florida with my boyfriend and his family, so I think this is why they were involved. The crushing weight while on the ride depicts how everything is really weighing on me and the choking sensation is like I am drowning, which I had just had a phone conversation with someone and I had verbally said I felt like I was drowning. 
Why I feel like I'm drowning? There is just too much going on! This Friday my house is being auctioned, because my ex-husband failed to pay the mortgage, which he was suppose to do in lieu of child support (dead-beat-dad alert!) Through my great support network (family and friends) I have filed paperwork with the Child Support Enforcement agency and the last phone conversation I had with the representative and coordinator was that they will be filing against my ex and we will be going to court. Another stress factor, not having food in the house. I had been receiving food stamps (which I know a lot of people have their opinions about it). I went this route for assistance while trying to file for disability. I failed to fill out more of their endless paperwork, so it sort of relapsed and I had to start the process all over again (for food stamps), so that's in the works, which I think it might have been closed because I wasn't able to get them certain documents in time. Which, I am only mad at myself for; one, because I should have submitted the right stubs in the first place, I was just in a rush to get them in and second, for not having a fax or a means of getting the needed documentation in within the time they requested. Now that I have been denied for a third time by the Social Security Administration for disability, I will begin to seek a job that I can do. I am the primary caregiver to my son who is severely handicapped (which if you don't understand, then you wouldn't know what is involved). I also have physical limitations, this has been problematic at my previous attempts. Either way, since the Social Security said that I am too young and that my diagnosis isn't severe enough (the first time I was denied, they stated that my diagnosis was unknown). So now, through peer pressure, I have been sternly informed that I should seek legal council, which I have already... 

Have you ever had a dream you could dissect with the events that were surrounding you?

I have been a fan of the dreaming world for a long time now, ever since I was a young lady. I really enjoy reading about how certain things within a dream could actually mean something totally different as well. There are many online dream dictionaries that you can use as a resource. The main reason I decided to write a book was because I had a repetitive dream, so to clear my head, I started writing the dream out and went from there. That's what lead me to write "Going off Dreams" (,

Have you ever had a dream that you couldn't explain?

As my weird dream progresses, we finally are released and freed from the crippling ride. We disperse, I think this was a subconscious of the trip we had just taken. I am not particularly fond of roller coaster rides, so I sit them out. There was a night when I did get separated from the group, but we were in Disney, so it's not like it was a terrible thing. I think, within my dream, why I saw my boyfriends parents, because they were so generous during the trip and they really took care of me. Why I was barefoot - that could still be a mystery. Could be that I prefer to be barefoot anyway, could have been because my tennis shoes that I had taken gave me such blisters and pain that I would have rather walked barefoot, or maybe it was a form of feeling vulnerable.  Why the dream switched-up to an event like getting ready for a party, is because this weekend I am hosting a Pampered Chef party. It just sort of sneaked up on me and I was stressing a little over it today before my unintentional short slumber. The friend of the family that was in the dream had just had a Pampered Chef party and maybe that is why she was associated, the box of my books - that's a mystery to me. As much as some of my family have been so supportive, I have this deep pain that more of them haven't been as supportive as I had thought they would be. But, whatever, it is what it is.