Faith

March7th, 2013
By definition faith means to have complete confidence in someone or trusting something.  Faith also is defined as a "strong belief in God or in the doctrines of a religion, based on spiritual apprehension rather than proof" (Google search, 2013). You can read the words, but I think faith could also mean something different for everyone.

I had always believed in God growing up. When I was 25 I went through a really tough time trying to come to terms with what had happened to me in the hospital and having my son (who is severely handicapped). To me, faith is something that you feel in your soul. If I am having a difficult time, I may be upset that it is happening, but I have faith that He will also see me through it.  It goes with that saying "God doesn't bring you to something without bringing you through it" (I think that's the saying). This was a difficult concept to swallow after the birth of my son and my ordeal in the hospital.  I had felt like I was being punished and I kept asking God what I had done to deserve this. What I had learnt since then is, who am I to question God? It is His plan not mine. An epiphany about a year later was that God had actually given me the training that I would need for my son.

Before my son Kaleb was born in 2002, I worked with special needs students.  I started working in this field first when I volunteered at the age of 14. So, you can imagine, I had a great deal of knowledge and resources already after the birth of my child - much more than most parent's have. The anger I had inside toward God was immediately replaced with understanding. You see He understands our agony and He does not think any less of anyone who is angered by what this earth presses on us. He only wants us to have faith in His timing and for us to come to Him. God has given us the ability to choose, in His own way.  Think this way, if we were to go to a foreign country (the foreign country being the Lord) if we went without any knowledge of the dialect, we couldn't understand what was going on.  In this case we're not suppose to understand or have the 'knowledge'. We aren't suppose to constantly seek the fruit of knowledge. We're suppose to have faith in Him, period. We can read the Bible and understand all the different stories of how time and time again God must have been disappointed in His creation of man. This is why God knows our suffrage, He knows the challenges of the flesh and of this earth. Our mortal minds cannot begin to imagine the immensity of it all. Not needing to understand everything, to know He is in control and finding the peace within this; that is the definition of faith to me. What is it to you?

Until next time or the next... dream
K.E.Nowinsky