NOVEMBERLeading into November I buckled down and along with other generous souls, we started the tedious editing process. This kept me too busy to worry about that prickling need to have someone in my life. I stopped focusing on other stressors; I have this ability to put on horse-blinders sometimes, which really helps me to stay focused on tasks. It was really exciting for me this time around too that I booked and scheduled a cover reveal and a book tour. I knew I needed to focus on positives and not let my mind wander to negatives. I feel that my brain does this on its own and I really have to work hard in focusing on those positive things in my life, or else I get totally sucked up in to that depressive state of what I've lost instead of what I've survived, achieved, and continue to work hard to pursue.
November is all about Thanksgiving, even though I don't have my own family, I found thanks in what I am blessed with. I have a roof over my head, food in my belly, loving and supportive parents, a super-sister and two wonderful nieces, along with a career that I have been working on and building from scratch, I am also very blessed that my immediate family is so supportive but, that I also have other family members that are so supportive. Now that I have released my second book, the book tour is in early December and then I'm going to dive right back into the third book, so that will keep my mind busy. Also, I've decided that I have really botched this dating thing up, so I read something a while back and decided to just give it to God, and I questioned myself as to why I was obsessing over finding that right person. Instead, I decided that it is in His hands. Now, I tell people that I am not ready for a relationship, because I'm not. I feel God is still molding me and that when I'm ready He'll send me who He intends for me to spend the rest of my life with. I've accepted this and expect it; it's why I now say that for me to even consider a relationship he will have to be perfect. Which for me in my brain right now doesn't exist, so if a guy is perfect it only makes sense that he was sent from God. I would like to say that's when I will open my heart but I know myself well enough to know that my heart is always open - I would be fighting with myself and wasting too much energy and time to try to change my core characteristics of opening my heart and loving, that's just who I am! I'm just learning to respect myself more and that I don't need a man, that when he comes into my life it will be to share life together. I put it this way to my brain: I've gambled so much on love and have lost, I'm not gambling anymore - if I don't like something, I'm out! *wink*
23 Excruciating Tinder Exchanges