Persevering Pain

For me, it is such a vicious cycle, especially now because I am not on any medications. I am on a new insurance and have to consult with a new doctor before I can continue taking the medications (that I need). In one hand, I am not in nearly as much pain when I am on the Gabapentin. Yet, the medication make me tired - actually most of the medications I should be on right now make me tired. I have more energy without the medicine, yet the pain levels knock me down. I haven't been sleeping well either. It is really hard for me to get comfortable enough in a position long enough to fall asleep. Even if I am exhausted, because of the massive nerve damage, my nerve endings feel like pins and needles sporadically. The other reason I particularly don't want to go to the doctor's right now, because I have to explain everything all over again. I have to talk about what happened and the pain and suffering. need to go, the pain is starting to get too unbearable. I also know my mother might have a nervous break-down trying to get me to go. I know shes worried - she doesn't want the pain to affect my mental health either.

It is like reliving it and most of the time it opens the door for the trauma to seep it's way back into my subconscious. Then the nightmares start back up and it seems like things bother me more than normal (PTSD - post traumatic stress disorder). I know I
Something else that I have noticed since I have not been on medicine for the past couple weeks - years ago I was in a bad accident and as a result was diagnosed with two pinched nerves and a herniated disc. The two pinched nerves are my sciatica, especially my right side (also the side of were my scar reaches around). My pinched nerves only had bothered me the last few years once in a blue moon. Now, for the last week and a half, it has been giving me problems. Usually, I can walk it off (go for a walk). Yet, I can't walk far or long until my scar (abdomen) start hurting. I really am looking forward to a day that can be pain free!!

I once heard a saying "life is pain" and I understand there is pain in life. I use to have a high endurance for pain, I still do to a degree. It is the constant, uncomfortable pain that wears you down, and when the sharp pain happens, it seems to be worse. The constant pain is like a muscle seizing up, cramping, unrelentingly uncomfortable. The sharp pain varies, it can feel like skin ripping at times. Sometimes it feels like a sharp cold burn. Other times it feels like someone is stabbing me and takes my breath away.
Unfortunately, even with the medications - the only thing that seems to help is to put my feet up and rest. But then, the mental battle begins. I don't want to be perceived as 'lazy' - especially since my ex husband said this was the reason he cheated on our marriage (which I know is a total excuse for his disgusting behavior). When people don't understand your daily challenges, it is really easy for them to think otherwise. This is why I love the Spoon Theory! The Spoon Theory
Do you struggle with daily chronic pain? What are some tips or suggestions you could share?

Lifting Kindness

Random Acts of Kindness

When my son was born with special needs, I knew we were in for challenges, having worked within the Special Ed. field.  Once Kaleb was diagnosed with Quadriplegic Cerebral Palsy after a traumatic experience, the challenges increased. The outcome of the emergency cesarean that was performed to extract Kaleb, resulted in further complications for my own health. Missing more than when I went into delivery (I am missing crucial abdominal muscles). The challenge now was in my lifting restrictions and the physical allocations of Kaleb's needs. I knew the logical step was to try to find a better adapted vehicle for his transportation.

At the time I had a lovely Chevy Cavalier that I had paid for myself, The only way we would be able to afford a van for Kaleb's needs, meant sacrifice. So, with much trepidation, I sold my car so that we could have a vehicle more accessible for Kaleb. When we looked into purchasing a vehicle (van) already adapted for his needs (including a lift for his wheelchair), the price was outrageous. I would have had to sell 10 cars! So, I did the only thing I could at the time, I wrote letters to organizations, pleading for assistance.

When my prayers were answered, it was more than what I had prayed for - praise God!

A company, Ride-a-way, was donating a lift for our family!!

As long as I live I will not forget their kindness and generosity, for not only did they give us a lift (well worth over $8,000 at the time) they did not charge us for installation! The van and lift are now retired, permanently rusting on my Uncle's auto body's lot. Almost three years ago, the van's engine gave out. Again, I was graciously blessed with help. An Uncle was very kind in reducing the price of an old work van, so that I would have a vehicle that could fit Kaleb's wheelchair in the back. Even now, since then, I have had to sell the van. We now rely on family and friends to help us get around. I dream of someday owning my own car again. But, for now - I will cherish the kindness that was bestowed upon my son and I.

<a href="http://ecwrites.blogspot.com/2013/04/random-acts-of-kindness-i-need-your-help.html" target="_blank"><img alt=" photo raoc_zps0fb7dd8c.jpg" border="0" height="291" src="http://i27.photobucket.com/albums/c186/Elisabeth83/raoc_zps0fb7dd8c.jpg" width="320" /></a></div> </div> <p> <!-- start LinkyTools script --><!--data-blogger-escaped-<script></script>--></p>

Prayers and Perseverance

These past few days have been riddled with emotions. Terrified for the individuals and communities that have to deal with the tornadoes that have caused so much destruction. Sadness for the lives that have been lost, and sorrow for the children that were taken too young, and those that will be scarred for life.  Watching the footage and pictures of the 20+ miles that were obliterated is gobsmacked and shocking. I couldn't even begin to imagine where you would start in attempts to rebuild and move forward.
It seems like it has been one thing after another here lately. The tragedy in Boston and now this tragedy in Oklahoma. Many often ask why - why does God do these things? Through my studying of the Bible, Bible studies, and devotionals, I have learned that God wants us to enjoy our lives. I know that when my son was born with special needs I was very angry with Him. The epiphany was when I understood it is o.k. to be angry, He understands our pain and suffering. He loved us so much that He gave us free will - where He might not be able to prevent natural disasters and tragedies, He is definitely there to help us back up. Don't turn away from your faith or His Spirit because you might not understand, instead pray to Him about it, ask Him to give you peace and understanding.
My thoughts and prayers go out to those affected by the tornadoes, we are a people of perseverance.
~ K.E.Nowinsky