Monday, June 3, 2013

Persevering Pain

For me, it is such a vicious cycle, especially now because I am not on any medications. I am on a new insurance and have to consult with a new doctor before I can continue taking the medications (that I need). In one hand, I am not in nearly as much pain when I am on the Gabapentin. Yet, the medication make me tired - actually most of the medications I should be on right now make me tired. I have more energy without the medicine, yet the pain levels knock me down. I haven't been sleeping well either. It is really hard for me to get comfortable enough in a position long enough to fall asleep. Even if I am exhausted, because of the massive nerve damage, my nerve endings feel like pins and needles sporadically. The other reason I particularly don't want to go to the doctor's right now, because I have to explain everything all over again. I have to talk about what happened and the pain and suffering. need to go, the pain is starting to get too unbearable. I also know my mother might have a nervous break-down trying to get me to go. I know shes worried - she doesn't want the pain to affect my mental health either.
It is like reliving it and most of the time it opens the door for the trauma to seep it's way back into my subconscious. Then the nightmares start back up and it seems like things bother me more than normal (PTSD - post traumatic stress disorder). I know I
Something else that I have noticed since I have not been on medicine for the past couple weeks - years ago I was in a bad accident and as a result was diagnosed with two pinched nerves and a herniated disc. The two pinched nerves are my sciatica, especially my right side (also the side of were my scar reaches around). My pinched nerves only had bothered me the last few years once in a blue moon. Now, for the last week and a half, it has been giving me problems. Usually, I can walk it off (go for a walk). Yet, I can't walk far or long until my scar (abdomen) start hurting. I really am looking forward to a day that can be pain free!!
I once heard a saying "life is pain" and I understand there is pain in life. I use to have a high endurance for pain, I still do to a degree. It is the constant, uncomfortable pain that wears you down, and when the sharp pain happens, it seems to be worse. The constant pain is like a muscle seizing up, cramping, unrelentingly uncomfortable. The sharp pain varies, it can feel like skin ripping at times. Sometimes it feels like a sharp cold burn. Other times it feels like someone is stabbing me and takes my breath away.
Unfortunately, even with the medications - the only thing that seems to help is to put my feet up and rest. But then, the mental battle begins. I don't want to be perceived as 'lazy' - especially since my ex husband said this was the reason he cheated on our marriage (which I know is a total excuse for his disgusting behavior). When people don't understand your daily challenges, it is really easy for them to think otherwise. This is why I love the Spoon Theory! The Spoon Theory
Do you struggle with daily chronic pain? What are some tips or suggestions you could share?