YEAR OF THANKS #2

FEBRUARY

The second month in my Year of Thanks Challenge and looking back on the past few weeks there are many things that I am thankful for. But, this month I want to especially thank God for my friends. One of the highlights of my year so far was having lunch with a friend, it was such a special day to me, we had gone to a restaurant that we both had not been to before, and there in this public place she brought her paperback copies of both of my self-published works for me to sign. It was a great moment in my life. We had only recently reconnected after a few years, we both have gone through so much, and it's been so wonderful catching up. I'm just so thankful that this friend is back in my life.

"Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow..." Ecclesiastes 4:9-10

I'm very blessed and thankful for the friends that I do have in my life. While I do appreciate the networking and virtual friends, it has been the physical interactions that have meant more to me through this time in my life. When I was caring for my special needs son, the friends that made the effort to stay in my life, who visited and showed their support mean the world to me. The friends that have continued to be by my side through all the dark times and rough patches, they are the ones that are still there. I may not have a plethora of friends, but the one's I do have are real blessings. When we do get together to time shared is valued and cherished.

"A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother." Proverbs 18:24

CHALLENGE ACCEPTED #6

JANUARY

What are your New Year's Resolutions?

Have you ever read something and when you read it again there is an entirely different message? It's amazing to me how God communicates with us when we open ourselves up to just listening. I am so stubborn and it is probably why it takes me forever to learn something. Thank goodness God is so patient! This challenge has been helping me tremendously. It is helping me to focus on myself instead of trying to reclaim some connection to someone else. The problem I have had in the past is when I enter into a relationship I get lost. My personality is a sacrificial one, I will give myself in every way to the person I am with, and in doing so I am giving away too much. As well, in the past, I willingly give away too much without reciprocation. This only led to insufficient and insecure feelings and instead of sustained relationships, I was nurturing the wrong environment for love to grow. Instead, and because I wasn't receiving what I needed, I would get depressed. But, no more! Now that I have identified a key factor and characteristic of myself; I have acknowledged it and now I am working on change. That what this year is about. I have to put myself first.

"Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the Lord your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you." Deuteronomy 31:6 ESV 

 I can't tell you how many times I have read this scriptures, and it isn't the only one that states God will never leave you or forsake you. So, why have I been so quick to think so? Because, I wasn't putting God first in my life. For so long I have prioritized men first - this has got to change. Obviously it hasn't benefited me. As I continue to go from one relationship to the next, I was also taking those feelings of neglect, hurt, and other insecurities along with me. That isn't how you want to start a relationship. Having so many failed relationships has also made me feel like a complete failure. However, once I read and re-read different scriptures, I finally got the message! For so long I was putting my faith in finding "the one" and have been bitterly disappointed. Now, God has given me the knowledge - not to lose faith in men - but, to have faith in Him.

One night as I lay awake, I thought about how God made Eve (woman) from the rib of Adam (man), and how easily men throw away their ribs these days. It is so disturbing to me that so many marriages end in divorce and that adultery is not necessarily socially acceptable but, it seems that no one looks at the act as God does. After each ended relationship, I felt like a chewed-up discarded barbecue rib at an buffet. "Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous." Hebrews 13:4 ESV  "You shall not commit adultery." Exodus 20:14 ESV 

So, what I have learned this month is to put God first. Second, that in the past relationships, for the majority of them, I was the one to initiate or pursue the guy. Whether it was on-line dating and sending that first message, or sending a message elsewhere (like Facebook), I was usually the one to initiate conversation. What I have learned from this is that I won't be the dominate pursuer; he will have to initiate, making the effort, and being the pursuer. "So flee youthful passions and pursue righteousness, faith, love, and peace, along with those who call on the Lord from a pure heart." 2 Timothy 2:22 ESV  "Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness?" 2 Corinthians 6:14 ESV

I have been tempted, in moments of weakness I have clicked on sites that promise to deliver you to that perfect partner. Further still, I go through answering questions in the hope that the one God has intended for me could be on the other side of the screen. Not that this hasn't happened, there are couples out there that have met on-line, married, and very happy. But, for me and my year without men, I nearly failed a crucial test (I think). Instead, realizing I was making a huge mistake and falling back into bad habits, I erased my profiles. It's almost like an addiction or a drug. You want that connection with someone, you want to find "the one." But, I've been looking in all the wrong places this entire time. God has told me that He is the unconditional love that I need and instead of seeking a physical man for my need for companionship and that connection, that I am to seek Him in all things. I had read a posting once that said a woman should be so involved with the Lord that a man will have to seek the Lord to find her. Every time I find myself thinking of a relationship, I need to condition myself to remember to think of God's word instead. That it is in His timing and in His way only that I will find what I am truly searching for (and the reason nothing in the past has worked). 

Joyce Meyer Ministry - Daily Devotional (great read!)

YEAR OF THANKS

The past few years have been challenging to say the least. I've been through too much and I am declaring that 2015 will be my YEAR OF THANKS! I want to renew my relationship with God, learning His word, growing spiritually, and letting it all take root in my life! With the new year I had already challenged myself, that every morning when my alarm goes off to immediately open my Bible app and read the scripture for the day. Then, on Joyce Meyer Ministries Facebook page, they have been posting so many wonderful daily devotionals (which I have been reading). As well, they have issued different challenges, the #YEAROFTHANKS challenge (which I will be doing), and the 3030 challenge (I didn't sign-up for but, in essence I will be doing anyway).

For my Year of Thanks challenge I am going to post something I am thankful for in my life each month. This will help me in different ways. It will help me spiritually, it will also help me to overcome the fear of expressing what I am thankful for. In the past, when I have praised or shown appreciation for something in my life - to me - I felt that it was taken away from me. I know God does not want me to live in fear and if I continue to be afraid, then that negativity will consume my life. I want to be happy, God wants me to be happy, and I know this is the route to my happiness. This is the journey He wants me to take...

JANUARY

So, to start off my Year of Thanks Challenge, the first thing above all else that I am irrevocably thankful for is God. Without Him by my side, I don't know how I would have survived everything that I have. I know He was with me when I was in the hospital, I know He's been with me through the darkest of times, and He always will be. He has understood when I have been mad and He remains patiently by my side. "Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the Lord your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you." Deuteronomy 31:6 ESV 

For the past couple of years I have sort of crept into this depression where I thought I wasn't getting "the good things in life" because, for some reason, God wasn't rewarding me. My entire mind-set was wrong and because I wasn't studying His word or working on our relationship, that depression fueled those delusional thought patterns. After losing so much and having to move back in with my parents, when I'm well into my 30's now, is rather depressing. However, my faith tells me that God has a plan and I should not seek worldly desires. What I want for my life isn't necessarily what God wants or has had planned. "Keep your life free from love of money, and be content with what you have, for he has said, "I will never leave you nor forsake you." Hebrews 13:5 ESV

I pray that God will continue to guide and teach me, that I continue to grow, and to honor Him. Through His timing, that I walk His chosen path for my life that He has blessed me with. I praise God for everything that He has blessed me with in my life so far and look forward to what He still has in store for my future. I pray for those less fortunate than I am, that He work in their lives, and that we all work together to glorify Him. Amen.