Drowning In Despairhttp://nnff.org/), and I thought I has survived hell. Then, through certain circumstances, I lost my home that I had lived in for the past 6 years. And now, I am left to walk this earth and bare the heart ache of loosing my only child.
When I was in the hospital, after having delivered my son via emergency (traumatic) c-section, was told that he might not make it himself, and he was flown to a different hospital. This was, I had thought, the darkest hour.
Then, a few days later I was rushed back into the hospital after being discharged (having a temperature which they could not locate the source of, but - yeah - why not, discharge her so we can't be held accountable) and was being told that I was going to die. This was, I had though, the darkest hour.
When my son Kaleb, was nearly 2 years old I had awoken to the night nurse not caring for my son properly (he was laying in his own feces) - long story short, when we rushed him to the hospital he had a temperature of 106 degrees (F) even though the doctor assured us Kaleb would be fine, he was in a coma. He started having seizures, which he had never had before. When he awoke he was a different child, where there was joyous life before now was a constricted, frustrated, uncomfortable child. This was, I thought, the darkest hour.
Three years later, my marriage was full of a depressed misery. I was the primary caregiver of our severely handicapped son, and my husband at the time was "working" constantly to make ends meet. Then the walls of this world we had built came tumbling down. The vows we had spoken, the coven that we entered into with God was broken, along with my heart... it was the first he spoke of his infidelity. Our marriage was over, he wanted out. Through the separation and divorce I stayed in His light, never did I falter or belittle the lives involved to get the results that I wanted. I stayed humble in the eyes of the Lord. I can't say that for the other parties involved. That night though, when he told me he had sex with someone else - I thought my heart was going to burst from the pain. This was, I thought, the darkest hour.
Then, my ex decided to claim bankruptcy (why should he have to be held accountable - right? If you couldn't read the sarcasm there **re-read with extreme sarcasm**). In doing so he put the house his son and I had been living in on the fast track for foreclosure. The next several months I spent on the phone trying to figure out ways that we could keep the house. Unfortunately, my boyfriend (who agreed to help) and I could not find a way to obtain the funding required to keep the home. I tried applying for state help, but to no avail. The bank bought our home back for nearly half of what the original cost was. Reading the letters that the home was now bank owned and that we faced eviction was a difficult time. The blessing was that my parents have been so supportive, they agreed to let us move in with them (saints they are!). My boyfriend rented a dumpster, watching the past six years and items that I had collected through out my life (including my childhood Christmas ornaments and decorations) being thrown away (trying to converge two homes into one is never an easy process) was very difficult for me. My depression increased as the dumpster increased with the contents of my life. This was, I thought, the darkest hour.
Nothing would prepare me for the early morning hours of October 6th, 2013. My boyfriend and I were asleep in the basement (that's where we're living), my dad's unsure voice was informing me that there were police officers here to speak with me. Dazed and confused I threw on my house rob and went upstairs. The light was hard for my sleepy eyes to adjust to the scene and I do not recall what the gentlemen looked like, I can only remember their uniforms. They verified who I was then asked me to have a seat...
|Kaleb Campbell Townsend 10/28/02 - 10/06/13|
One Day At A Time...
Bubbles were also playfully prancing around in the air during this time. For Kaleb's funeral, I had the little party favor bubbles that I had for his birthday party, so we incorporated them for his funeral instead. My sister was the genius that decorated them with white and red ribbon and attached paper that read "messages to Kaleb". The kids were blowing bubbles as Kaleb's casket was lowered into the ground.
So, it seemed only right to have bubbles being blown to continue the 'messages to Kaleb'. I even have a big container that I take with me to the grave site and blow bubbles for him. He loved bubbles, he thought it was hilarious when they would land on his skin and POP! He might now have been able to run and play with on earth, but when the bubbles blow now I imagine him running, laughing, and playing with them.