Tuesday, September 2, 2014


A friend challenged me to write a personal contract: No Men For A Year. It's only been a month and already it's been difficult. This is very personal and I'm only sharing it so that other girls, ladies and women can learn from my mistakes in the past and together learn to love ourselves first. I've been contemplating on how I wanted to share my experiences. In my contract I have agreed to journal daily. Instead of sharing the entire months journal, which would only be a long posting, I thought I would just take some highlights. This will also help me to reread what I have written and guide me toward bettering myself. I don't know if I should post most of them or just one or two from the month. I guess it will depend on the response I receive. If you'd like to know more about what I'm journaling, writing prompts, scriptures and more just let me know.


August 24th, 2014

Writing Prompt (reflective journaling): What is the quality that you like most in a man?
At one point in my life, the honest answer (which I would have never told anyone) would have been that he only had to like me. What is that saying about myself?

“There are six things that the Lord hates, seven that are an abomination to him: haughty eyes, a lying tongue, and hands that shed innocent blood, a heart that devises wicked plans, feet that make haste to run to evil, a false witness who breathes out lies, and one who sows discord among brothers.” Proverbs 6:16-19

This scripture helps me to know what to NOT look for in a man. Do not seek a man with haughty eyes. I didn’t know what haughty means so I looked it up. Haughty by definition means arrogantly superior and disdainful. So, not to look for someone that thinks they’re better than everyone else; check. Do not seek a man with a lying tongue. Been there and done that; check. Do not seek a man that his hands have shed innocent blood. Do not seek a man that has a heart that devises wicked plans. Again, been there and done that. Do not seek a man that make hast to run to evil. Do not seek a man that is a false witness, who breathes out lies, and who sows discord among brothers.

One of my past relationships the man I was with did lie and created this entire scheme, that later when I finally found out about it, was devastated. Not only did it affect me, his lies and cheating ways affected friends that were trying to help me along the way. He wanted to give me things; he wanted to give me a matching bedroom set and a new living room set. Nice – right? He accomplished this by going to a renting place, which there is nothing wrong with this. But, when you don’t make the payments, they come and take your furniture. So after we broke up, I literally was left with no furniture. As he so generously had given my old furniture away (which were hand-me-downs, which had more meaning to me).

Also, in this relationship he didn’t have a vehicle. He would borrow mine. It started that he would run errands for me, since I had to stay home with my special needs son. I couldn’t just pack my son up to run to the store if he needed a prescription. Then, it evolved into letting him run his own errands. When I asked him to have the oil checked, he said that he had. When my engine blew (because he hadn’t had the oil changed, which I didn’t think was a huge thing to ask since he would use the van for his own needs) I had a co-worker that was generous enough to lend her car to me. When he had an accident with her car, he told us that he would have it fixed. He took it to a place he wanted to and worked out a payment plan to have the car fixed. After some time, when there wasn’t any progress with the repairs, I called and found out he wasn’t or hadn’t made any payments and they were actually trying to get a hold of him to tell him he either needed to come pick up the car or they were going to have it towed. We were devastated. Once I confronted him about this it was all downhill from there. I can honestly say it was one of the worst relationships I have ever experienced. The first being my ex husbands betrayal.

“Blessed is the man who walks not in the counsel of the wicked, nor stands in the way of sinners, nor sits in the seat of scoffers” Psalm 1:1

What this tells me is to seek a man who has some integrity. Integrity by definition is the quality of being honest and having strong moral principles. 

What attributes and characteristics are on your list?