CHALLENGE ACCEPTED #10

MAY - Therapy Through Friends

Is talking with your ex ever really a good idea? I know there is a debate if men and women can really ever be "just friends" with no "benefits" - I watched movies where the guys have always commented that men are only interested in women for one thing... so if they are friends with you, they've already imagined having sex with you a couple different ways etc. I would like to believe that men and women could be friends without the benefits and so I set forth with this attitude - yes, apparently I'm that naïve. So, one day my ex and I started chatting through text messages about what went wrong. But, I was proud of myself - I was totally honest with him and told him about my challenge and that I wasn't "in the market". I told him we could be friends but that's as far as any relationship between us would ever go. It was good too to talk things out a little bit, I could have some closure for our past relationship in a way.

May was a great month because two of my long-time friends and I went to the beach! It brought back so many great memories and built some more. Friends are so crucial, they help, support, and keep me in-check! Alcohol is always nice too *wink-wink*. We had plenty of laughs and if I've learned anything in this life it is that you have to laugh! Talking with your friends is truly better than therapy. I think true friendship is a unconditional love, acceptance, and bond between people. You can look like total shit and they still know you and love you no matter what. There were no men, there was no "hooking up" (well, they're married too), and it was only for a weekend, but it gave us time away that was much needed. And while they talked about their troubles and their married lives with children, it's easy for me to wallow in despair. Instead, I really am secure in my single life. For a long time I was so sad and depressed (well, for other reasons too) that I wasn't married and didn't have children, but God has shown me that again, this is my time of rest. I've given so much of myself that it's time to give myself to myself. I don't need to be married and I don't need to have children, I'm happy in my faith that God has a plan for my life. I'm here as a friend, supporter, and whatever else I need to be to help others.

CHALLENGE ACCEPTED #9

April - In Like A Lion, Out Like A Lamb

With spring comes the renewal of hope and it seems like love is all around, the birds are nesting, couples are coupling, and I'm over here in the corner puking!!

No, seriously though, it seemed like this spring was a little bit of a hill for me to get over. Insomnia had set-in again and my mind was riddled with thoughts of past relationships, wrong-doings, and beating myself up with the reasons why I was so unlovable. Again, I was falling back into my delusional thought patterns. I needed to keep myself busy. So, I finished my second book - like it's that easy! I went through the editing process, again, and again... and again... then we had to figure out the cover and all the little goodies. It kept my mind busy on other things other than being self absorbed, which is exactly what I needed. Keeping busy was a crucial key for me. After the book launch was over, I went directly into the third book, and was advised to take a small break... self-publishing is a lot of dedication and hard work, not that other jobs aren't too. Let's just say it's a well deserved break! However, with a break also came more time for my mind to go crazy again. Finding different things to keep me busy is easy in this day and age. There was Netflix, going out with friends (when I had funds), and taking care of my two adorable nieces. It's a wonderful lesson in life to learn to count your blessings instead of worrying about everything else. I also downloaded this great Bible app that has daily devotionals, which I read before going to bed, and I actually sleep!

So I realized one of my delusional thoughts has been thinking about "why I'm so unlovable" and it's not that no one wants me, it's just as the picture states above "Being single doesn't mean no one wants you it just means that God is buys writing your love story." I've decided to stop asking God for this sort of man or that kind of character, etc. Instead, I want God to take the wheel this time. Like I've mentioned before, I'm not going to be the aggressor (I'm not going to make contact, he will have to pursue me). This has to be on His terms, in His time, and I know when He sends me this person, it'll be just right. But, I'm also at the point in my life where I'm pretty happy being single. I have no real commitments, I don't have to compromise, I have my bed all to myself - and there are plenty of times I breathe that sweetness in and stretch my whole body across the bed and love it! I read a devotional recently where I felt that God is giving me this rest period, because of my past, and this is my time to rest and learn how to enjoy life again, while also learning to love myself.

CHALLENGE ACCEPTED #8

MARCH

With the end of the challenge around the corner, I realized that I was way behind on posting! I took a break from blogging and writing and now I have to get my head back in the game. I am happy to report that the challenge is still intact and no signs of any interruption on the horizon. March marks seven months after a friend challenged me to "No Men for a Year" and in these months I've really strengthened my resolve. As I've mentioned before, I've always sought relationships with men because I have this need to feel love, and within my thought patterns this could only be achieved within that relationship. Well, times here are a changing, as the saying goes.

When I first started the challenge, I didn't think that it would be that big of a deal, especially since I've never really been "lucky in love" - men have never "lined up" at my door - so to speak. But, the entire purpose of the challenge was for me to essentially learn to respect myself. Now, I can tell a guy "No" and have the conviction to stand firm behind it. I can now see how unhealthy my mental reasoning and my actions have been in the past. Which lead to one of my new dating rules (for when there is a contender, and I say contender because I'm not lowering my expectations). This new rule is that he has to seek me out. In the past it seemed, in the majority of my relationships, that I was the aggressor, I was the one making contact, pushing to go out and so forth, but not anymore. I have been proud of myself that when I have wanted to do something along those lines, I have stopped myself and mentally talked myself down with reminders of the new rule - it's definitely helped.

Other than that, this month I focused more on my friends and family, and taking time for myself. I
reconnected with activities that I enjoy. Which one was very time consuming and quite the guilty pleasure, I am referring to my Xbox 360. I played through the majority of Assassin's Creed and Mass Effect. We all need to spoil ourselves once in awhile.

Check Out The Past Posts:

February

January

December

November

October

September

August