B is for Benevolence

April A to Z Challenge

If there were peace in our world, we would be a society filled with benevolent people. Doing for one another and not expecting anything in return. Our civilization would be a divine one. Instead, our society breeds on selfishness, gluttony, sex, greed, and more depths of deceptive behaviors. I'm not saying all people are selfish, sex filled, or greedy. But, this is what our society is raised to value instead of valuing one another in a positive light instead. 

"As we have therefore opportunity, let us do good unto all [people]..." Galatians 6:10

The Bible is filled with scripture referring to benevolent actions. When I first thought of the word benevolent, I actually thought it did not mean what it actually means. I had to analyze this concept as well - was I raised to believe that benevolence was a bad thing? Instead, benevolence is a holy act that I believe would bring more happiness into our souls and to the souls of others. Now that I know the definition, I plan to implement this into my life more fully.

"Owe no man any thing, but to love one another: for he that loveth another hath fulfilled the law." Romans 13:8-10

When my son was alive, while caring for a child with severe handicaps was challenging, I tried my hardest to convey that he was loved. I took care of him in every aspect of his live, with no real payment. While I told him how much I loved him, he couldn't verbalize his love in return. That's o.k., he could express himself in different ways. I now understand that my love for Kaleb was benevolent of this world.

This could also be the verbiage in coordination with the pay it forward actions. Many people do great things, like pay for the person behind them while in line somewhere, or giving something of themselves to the less fortunate. The only thing is that with paying it forward, this is in reference to Kharma, which follows the study, what you put out in the world comes back to you. Eventually, you are in receipt of that payment. Where a benevolent heart never expects anything in return.

My challenge for you this year: to perform one benevolent act a month.

Let's see how the Bible's scripture can change our lives for the better.

A is for Anxiety

April A to Z Challenge - Day 1

By definition anxiety refers to the feeling of worry, unease, or nervousness, usually about an imminent event or something with an uncertain outcome. In our society today, "Anxiety disorders are the most common mental illness in the U.S., affecting 40 million adults in the United States age 18 and older" this is about 18% of our population (ADAA, 2010-2014). I am the 18%, I have been hospitalized for anxiety before. These were brought on by feelings of hopelessness, helplessness, and exhaustion. I was exhausted because I was the primary care giver to my son who was severely handicapped. Sleep is important for our brain to recharge, when we do not get adequate sleep our brain is deprived and it can affect how we think and process, so it is important to get your beauty sleep. There are many factors of anxiety, including but not limited to genetics and even something that's happened (past or future). Click on the link below to learn more about anxiety and depression disorders.

Tips on dealing with anxiety:

If you go to a doctor for your anxiety, more likely they will want to prescribe medication. I have been on medication before for my anxiety and it did help. Make sure to read your prescribed medication side effects before taking medication and make sure to tell your doctor all other medications that you take. I would even make sure your doctor knows what you are doing over-the-counter (OTC). There are so many options on the homeopathic spectrum. When researching effective treatment for anxiety and stress, usually the first suggestion is meditation. Read these 5 Meditation Tips for Beginners by Alice Boyes, Ph.D here.

Something I learned while I was in a treatment program, and I would suggest to anyone dealing with any form of anxiety, stress, and depression would be to make a sensory box. I had first learned of sensory boxes working with special needs children. Typically they are filled with tactile items for stimulation (sand, water, beans, etc.). These can be soothing for adults as well. However, another box for help would be filled with positive items. Such as a favorite picture, a favorite saying written down that you can read. When considering items to put into your box think of size, depending on your box, and then think of your five senses: touch, taste, smell, sight, and hearing. Some suggestions that were given, and that I use are putting a Hershey kiss in, for taste (if you like chocolate - I would say who doesn't - but I know a couple people that actually do not like chocolate). There are specific smells that will trigger certain effects as well, if you want to be rejuvenated go for citrus, and if you want to relax try lilac (there are small sprays that will fit into boxes). Click here if you would like to learn more about adult sensory stimulation.
Just remember you are not alone!

Links

Anxiety and Depression Association of America (ADAA) Website, Facts & Statistics

Meditation Tips Psychology Today

Therapeutic Recreation Directory

10 Daily Affirmations

Kickstart Your Day By Saying...

The last couple months have been the most challenging. I have given myself time to grieve and I understand that there will still be days that will be more challenging. Now I have to make the choice to move forward. Something I am going to work on for now on are daily affirmations. 10.) I choose to be happy. I will make the conscious choice to not dwell on sadness. I will make the choice to be happy today.

Something I learned through my Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) sessions was that I need to learn how to not only love myself, but to believe that I am worthy. #9 I am worthy of having joy in my life. This will coordinate with the next affirmation as well, but I am not my past. Bad things have happened, but I will no longer let the past chain me down.

There have been days where I have felt numb and my delusional thought pattern playing like the broken record in my head tells me over and over that I have been dragged through hell repeatedly, I release my past. One of my first steps in getting myself back on my feet, I have been looking for a job, I prepare for my future. Something that I think has helped me keep my sanity is the ability to laugh and play, I live in the present. #8 is actually three affirmations, but when you play the glad game there are never enough affirmations. Remember The Glad Game from Pollyanna?

Journaling can be an outlet for a lot of different things. It can give you a better perspective of where you started, where you are going, and how far you have come. I would suggest by writing down a couple small goals. When you have reached these goals make sure to give yourself a reward. When I journal, I always coordinate with a devotional, and when I write it is in the form of prayer. Thanking God for my blessings, praying for those less fortunate, and then what is plaguing my thoughts. #7 Everyday, in every way, I am getting better and better.

Often, I wonder what my purpose is here. People will tell you that He has a plan. God does have a plan for all of us, His plan. The challenge is the mystery of not knowing. Either way, #6 is something I have to work on, knowing and believing that I am too big a gift to this world to feel self-pity and sadness. Negativity breeds more negativity and will only drag you down, it is a plague.

Something that I tell people all the time is how negativity breeds more negativity - it's why miserable people like to attempt to make others miserable and drag them down with them. However, there is a simple tool or technique to practice that will help you to shine, like #5. When you think of something negative, immediately replace it with two thoughts of something positive. For example: If you say "I'm stupid", immediately recognize this thought patter and then say to things you know contradict this, for me it would be "I did well in college and obtained my AA" this is an achievement, the second would be "I am smart, I know how to..." then say something you know how to do like canoe, swim, bake, write, etc. It works! This took me years to work through. I grew up thinking that I wasn't smart because I had someone tell me that I wasn't smart when I was younger - just because I was naive, doesn't mean I was stupid.

Have you ever noticed, the more down you are, the less energy you have? I think our society has depended so much on coffee or caffeine to fuel their drive, that they forget the euphoria within the energy of chasing your dreams. When I was relaunching my first book, I was motivated and faced each day with that positive hope of my desired outcome. #4 My dreams need my energy to make them come true.

Through my sessions I also learned why I push this concept aside. Granted, my parents are wonderful, have provided for me, and to this day are still there for me and support me in everything that I do. During the session I felt horrible, but the therapist helped me to understand that this doesn't mean my parents did anything wrong either - we were addressing and acknowledging my feelings and thought patterns. That being said, I felt like I didn't matter because growing up I was often told to be quiet, so as a child I learned survival by hiding away so that I wouldn't be scolded or yelled at for laughing too loud or making too much noise outside.  Also, because of a damaging and manipulative marriage, I felt like I didn't matter because of how I was treated. Something a friend told me really helped me to process this concept in a better way: People will only treat you how you let them treat you. I remember when I first heard this it felt like a smack in the face. I needed to learn how to value myself. #3 I matter and what I have to offer this world also matters.

#2 I am beautiful. This was so hard for me to grasp. It is amazing how much our childhood and adolescence effects our adulthood. Growing up boys didn't line up at the door like some of my friends. It wasn't until I graduated high school and started working that the first guy approached me out of interest. The delusional thought pattern was because of this, that I wasn't attractive. This also lead to the dependent behavior that I needed that male acceptance to feel beautiful. Today, there is more acceptance and recognition for girls and body image and beauty - thank goodness.

Along with the previous affirmation, for the longest time I felt that because I didn't have any romantic relationships in my life that I wasn't loved, or lovable. This was a hurtful lie that I was letting myself believe. The truth is that there are many different forms of love and that everybody is loved. We are loved by our pets, our family, friends, and mostly by God (even if you don't believe in Him, He believes in you).